The Greens – The (unofficial) Guide

Excellent read. Highly recommended!

A few teasers :

“Plants have a favourite gas. It is called carbon dioxide and they grow strong and healthy when they have lots of it.

When plants first evolved there was lots more carbon dioxide in the air, but now there isn’t so much and sometimes kind farmers pump it into greenhouses so planet can grow healthy.

Ironically, Greens like plants and trees; plants and trees like carbon dioxide; but Greens hate carbon dioxide. If the plants could talk, they would probably ask for more carbon dioxide from the Greens by way of thanks. I think that this would make the Greens very grumpy. It would be quite funny to watch.


“The Greens don’t move from rich countries to the poor countries to be happy and poor, but they do hang pictures of African people on the walls in their houses. To make them happy.”


“Even though they love the Polar Bear, the Greens love pictures of Polar Bears that are poorly, falling off icebergs or swimming a lot and looking tired. Greens send these pictures to their friends to make their friends sad. Greens like to make their friends sad. They like to be sad together.

Luckily, the Polar Bears don’t seem troubled by this. There are now more Polar Bears than ever before and they are doing very well.

Maybe one day, a Polar Bear will eat one of the sad photographers to make him happy.”

Satire .. not quite dead. Yet.

Who Are the Greens?

People who love the planet earth are called Environmentalists or Greens.

Greens believe that the planet earth is being destroyed and everyone needs to work together to save it.

Greens think that people are bad and the planet is good. Some Greens call people a “cancer” on the earth.


Natural Is Good

The Greens believe that things that are already on the earth are “natural”. The Greens like natural things.

This includes trees, whales, snow leopards, icebergs, oceans, rainbows and lots more. Viruses, genetic defects, disease-carrying mosquitos, illness and death are all natural too. The Greens don’t mention these much.

The Greens believe that people are destroying nature when they make their lives better. Lots of people have better lives by using things made by modern science and technology.

The Greens don’t like modern things. They call them “un-natural”.

VetDay-CadoganMosquitoes Some “natural” things are out to kill us. Humans are successful because…

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